illusions in mynotsoperfectworld

9999-07-27T17:03:00.000+08:00

"When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place"

2011-12-24T22:36:00.002+08:00

"spent my november worrying about ROC, experienced overseas training for the first time.
spent my december looking forward to POP, and now to the NCC lifestyle."

this was what i had said a year ago.

am now going to ORD,

can proudly say that i have done may part as a singaporean in my own little and smallest way.

Christmas is a time for me, to reflect and look back at the entire year.

I feel a sense of loss, loss of time, distance in relationships,

i begin to reminance the times, tougher, or easier.

this year began on a good note after i got my posting to NCC,

definitely a lot better than what i had expected, but then again this place has its own troubles and difficulties that no outsider will understand.

was kinda looking forward to this year, having so much of responsibilities in hand.

No words can describe how grateful i am

for where i am,

for who I've met,

for who have helped me,

grateful for such a understanding superior.

look back at the year:

january - adjusting to life in ncc

february - started to run my own courses

march - ran my first spec course

april - courses and camps

may - much of a lull

jun - hetic month again with spec courseS

july - trainings....

aug - training training training

sept - went to taiwan,

oct - training training and training

nov - competitions etc

dec - now, here waiting to ord, and on the top of my list of worries is my studies.

looks like NCC played a great deal in my life.

I'm sure gonna miss this life when i ord.

we are all resistant to change, i believe.

the ns journey for me has also been kinda reflective,

i just hope that i do not lose it all when i begin to revert back to a more civilian way of life.

I've learnt many lessons and understood my self better.

praise the lord for all the blessings in this year.

for the people,

the things,

the events,

everything.

Merry Christmas !

CHRIST THE KING is here.

2011-12-11T01:12:00.002+08:00

so much feelings within me,

was too lazy to type but thought that i should do so so that i can keep track of my life.

Have got less than 3 more months left in this place...

mixed feelings, happy to leave yet sad to.

ill definitely miss a lot of people and times.

i feel that this 2 years have been a very good and fruitful 2 years.

it has taught me a lot. a lot that i would have never learnt.

i think i have grown, spiritually, mentally.

im kinda beginning to look at things from a different perspective, one which i would not have done so.

i think i have learnt much about life also, about the people and myself.

life is never fair,

life will never be how you thought it out to be,

life is made fair only when you begin to think of it as how it best should be.

emotions are controlled by your thoughts, and thoughts controlled by yourself, the choice is ours to make, why make ourselves bitter and hateful when nothing would change if we are instead happy and joyful. wouldn't it make the world a better place for the people around you and for yourself.

i think i have gained a lot.

and also, the wonderful ppl i've got to know.

friends, bosses.

but i still kinda miss bunk life. -haha-

its been 2 years.

time flies.

time and tide waits for no man.

2011-10-10T05:46:00.002+08:00

if we ever became strangers,

just know that we weren't like this before.

i don't know what to say to you, or how to say it to you.

but it doesnt really matter anymore, does it ?

you're happy with the life you're living now, have got all you wanted before.

what's passed is passed, the present is what matters.

life's like this,

i would say that i missed having you around, but well.

let it be, let it be.

2011-09-30T23:31:00.003+08:00

i don't know what is it I'm actually feeling now.

i suddenly feel that I'm once again in this cold selfish world.

its a fact anyway.

thats the world, thats life.

i think i have been too protected, too sheltered and too guided from the beginning.

i never have had to move out of my comfort zone lest those "awkward" beginnings.

i guess we jus have to realize that as we grow, our social circle narrows - holds some truth.

perhaps its our minds sets, our perception, that limits the people we make friends with and we "hang out" with.

perhaps as young ones, we had much less of a boundary and everyone was there about the same.

now, we begin to have difference. common topics, interests and the list goes on.

its been a while since i had a good talk with someone, a fulfilling talk, a long sms conversation or msn conversation.

i remember how frequent it used to be, it died off slowly as i moved on, now totally dying off.

is it me, or is it the environment.

at the same time, confused am i.

which is the direction i am actually heading for, its kinda a dead end already, but i have got to believe that it issnt.

got to a friend recently, who's quite keen on religion and stuffs.

he actually got me thinking that perhaps i need to work on my spiritual life.

i have not felt so lost, so helpless, so alone.

so now how.

2011-04-29T23:44:00.002+08:00

congrats.

after so long. this is what u have always wanted.

too many things have proven that my guess is not wrong.

congrats, whether you see this or not.

i dont knw how should i be feeling now, how should i be reacting.
perhaps im the only one who dosent know.

im kinda tired,
tired of the whole process.

sometimes, i just feel like behaving in a fucked up manner.
cause at the end of the day who cares.

people are always judging.
and will always be.

yes, i admit.
even i am guilty of it.

i dont know how and what.

i will just leave it as it as,
because i dont want to always be the one who cares.

2011-04-17T17:46:00.002+08:00

i guess ive been right all along.
nothings changed, nothings different.

jus time to put everything down and move on cause somethings just dont wait.

sometimes we've got to stop living in our own fantasy world.
humans will always be humans, theres no angles and no exceptions.

2011-03-02T23:29:00.003+08:00

sometimes i just dont know what is it im going through,
just cant see it.

the world's that ugly,
this ugly-ness is a fact.
its only that youve been too protected, too sheltered.
thats the world for you.

2011-02-02T00:08:00.003+08:00

just visited a dear friend.
his accident, plus the couple of accidents reported in the past month really reminded me about the fragility of life.

one moment here, another moment gone.

my heart goes out to the parents of cpl/lcp (forgot) wee.
really, it takes real courage, faith and strength to stand up and face it.
which parent in the world can accept such a fate, who can accept it and say let it be lord.
i wouldnt, and i couldnt- in my context.
i still remembered how i blamed him, blamed him for all the crap in my life, how shit just kept falling and he didnt bother to do anything.
but i know i have to have faith, cause it was faith that brought me here and faith that will take me through.

i cant cant to terms that my friend is/ has been lying there, when he could well been at home.
how is this fair? HOW.
seeing him really makes me all numb and lost, what has he done to deserve this.
he's been a very nice friend, very nice person. im at a loss of words to describe him.
how is it that you can allow such a thing to happen. i cant see it.
the pain the people around him is going through esp his loved ones is tremendous.
painful and hurting yet they cant give up, how many sleepless nights have they had. how many times have their heart ache so badly.
no mother or in any case, father can see their child go through so much pain and suffering.

lord,
i ask you to watch over this family,
strengthen them, strengthen him, the people around him.
overcome them with your power and love.
guard them, and grant him a speedy recovery.

im still quite in a state of shock...

2010-12-26T00:40:00.002+08:00

Christmas is here and its gone.
yet another year passed.

still remember what i did last christmas, it all seemed so vivid and clear.
what ever that has happened will stay as memories forever.
- went to lt's house as usual on eve
-tgt with mtm, had steamboat, went over to geelyn's christmas party, walked along orchard for christmas.

so many things happened in 2010.
many new experiences, many new challenges, many new friends and of course many up's and down's.
the word STUDY and EXAMS suddenly seemed to have disappeared.

spent my jan with inno, got to know some great people over at inno.
spent my feb with inno, some great people at inno left for ns and some for other companies.
spent my march with inno, was left with ry most of the time at inno.
spent my april slacking, finally went for a good holiday with my family, slacked around most of
the remaining days till enlistment
spent my may adjusting to NS, new environment, new friends, took me a lil time
spent my june looking forward to POP, enjoyed being in one of the best BMT coy's
spent my july in SCS, wondered how people said that scs was a better place then bmt
spent my august whining about mike, met some really great people i would never forget.
spent my September looking forward to NOT getting into aslc, ended up in one of my worst
moments in life where i was really all down and lost.
spent my october recovering from the ASLC syndrome, still very much depressed and gloomy
spent my november worrying about ROC, experienced overseas training for the first time.
spent my december looking forward to POP, and now to the NCC lifestyle.

praise the lord for all he has done for me,
many of his works are beautiful.

thanks to those who have been with me all these while,
best-est friends from college, best buddies from NS, the ones i could really whine n bitch to.

thanks for the many blessings in the year.
PRAISE THE LORD.

2010-11-10T21:22:00.002+08:00

its taiwan in just 2days time.
cant believe aslc has passed so quickly.
there i was worrying about the entire course and stuff, and now i am here left with only taiwan.
really cant wait for cat term when im back.

ive reached a point in life, another milestone perhaps.
ive never felt this way before. never.
cant deny that my thinking has changed a lil, for the better or the worst.

ive realised how much at a loss i am, how cold and lonely this world can get
through the past 18 years, ive been sailing thru life, going where the wind may take me.
its always a planned route.
all of a sudden, im all alone.
it feels so different.

2010-09-03T17:08:00.002+08:00

i come here at the lowest and probably the higher points in life.

just got posting.
ASLC.
alright.
kinda expected it. but still need some time to cool down.
i really wanted to go somewhr else.
but what to do? SUCKTHUMB.
jus gotta make the best out of this. gotta pick up and move on.

hope my section would be fun.

and i jus wanna say that, BSLC was a really great time for me.
love section 4!

2010-07-05T20:52:00.003+08:00

dilemma

i feel so uncertain, unplanned.
sometimes i feel that im just messing with my life.
i've lost that fire.
and the fire to get it back too.

i feel so frustrated with you,
excuses and excuses i feel i made up for you.
i feel that i've been just trying to convince myself all this while. because, fact is, its gone when its just getting better.

indeed, somethings are better left unknown.

should i flare up, settle it amicably or just act like nothing happened once again and let it happen again.

oh fuck it.

2010-06-27T03:37:00.002+08:00

this is my LAST BOOK OUT from tekong.

haha.
kinda happy, yet kinda not so happy cause its only now that we started to get to know each other better, be it section or platoon. BUT, whatever it is, im gonna be out of that place soon.

feels so fast.
feels like just ystd when i was so sian about enlistment.
feels like yesterday when i was so bored with nothing to do weeks before enlistment.
feel like ystd when booking in seems so sian and when the week was filled with agr speed training and all those stuff.

HAHA.

its been 8 weeks since enlistment.
6months since 2010 began.

gonna be 1year 7months more to ORD.
gonna be 6 more months till 2011.

and oh, it failed. :(

same words, different meaning. same place, different feeling.

2010-05-22T23:33:00.002+08:00

went back for college day.
school feels so different, little changes here and there...
kinda miss school and the times in school.

seeing all the awardees go up stage reminds me of how i felt when i was in school,
that little glimpse of hope that it could be you next year, that little motivation the speeches gave.
this time its a little tinge of regret, not being able to get what i wanted, and where i wanted.

sang the college anthem, recited the college creed.
some words struck me.
-is that really what i am doing, am i really living my life the way i should.
the entire creed or anthem felt so different.
from the first time i recited the creed, till now its meaning has changed.
perspective perhaps.

Here I stand
The dawning of a brand new day
As I look to the way ahead
In my heart burns the fire of learning
And it shines everywhere I go
Never fading and ever yearning
While I live, I learn and grow.

Chorus:
I will seek and explore
Open each and every door
Always caring and faithful and true
To be a guiding light
Set the future shining bright
For my college and for nation too
I am a true pioneer
Crossing every new frontier
With conviction I take every turn
This passion I will hold
So that everyone may know
I believe: While I live, I learn

---------------------------------------

While I Live, I Learn –
To be committed in giving my best,
To be compassionate in serving others,
To have confidence that I can achieve.

I shall constantly seek to improve;
To give of myself;
To be true in all that I do.

In crossing new frontiers,
I shall strive to lead by example,
For it is in my learning that I live

2010-04-23T01:31:00.002+08:00

people blog when they are bored. at least i do.

i never bothered about this space for the past few months, only until recently.
only until i stopped working
only until my life was just sleep and going out.

suddenly feel that i got so much to do before i become deprived. haha.
but come to think of it, what exactly do i have ?

ciao.

i typed this purely out of boredom.

2010-04-21T22:46:00.001+08:00

somehow i've got this feeling of content.

2010-04-21T22:32:00.002+08:00

exactly one week to a whole new chapter of my life.
the past few months were just fillers,
a whole new life awaits, national service.
haha.
scared ? nah, its just the usual feeling of not knowing whats gonna happen.
moreover, its something every 18/19 year old SINGAPORE male has to go through. so. YEAH.

ns is gonna be another part of my life, memory in 2 years time. jus like how secondary school and jc, or rather schooling life has turned into memories.
sometimes, i do miss those classroom laughter, classroom jokes, classroom SHIT that happens.
(this is random, i suddenly though of mr tong punishing a lot of us for not doing some graph and having to write 100 lines aft sch, yes lines at JC2) haha.

i suddenly have got this feeling, this feeling that till now, i still havent learned of any words to describe. wait till my command of language improves.

ciao.

2010-04-15T00:25:00.002+08:00

this is so random.
i went to read someone's blog cos someone told me he did it for entertainment, so i ended up reading my own n decided to write too. hahas

time's passing super fast now,
im left with like 12 more days to enlistment.
those who enlisted on 5th feb has all pop alr,
went for zj's pop with ry, serene, weeling sometime ago...
actually its just last week uh. haha

im not really afraid or anything,
just that, im gonna go into another chapter of my life and gonna end the current one soon.
sure im gonna miss times i had, but life has to go on.

kinda miss school sometimes, all the crap in and out of school, stressed out moments, tired moments, sleepy moments...

stopped camps alr, since there aint many this mth, and i canceled one cos of stay over,and im poor like a pauper now. using my SAVINGS alr.. :(:(

no $$ yet going out everyday, haha.

went to korea recently with family,
super enjoyable!

okay,
ciao

2010-02-20T10:49:00.002+08:00

last posted in end march
now's already almost end feb.

been rather busy, but unaccomplished perhaps.
went to thailand for holiday with my family a few days ago, rather alright.
hopefully the best take away was not just the sights.

gonna take HPPS this comin monday.
only 2 in feb. haha.
but more to come in march.
doubt ill b able to chiong in april cos my parents are planning another trip.
haha.

march is approaching, with the days getting closer. not to my enlistment but results release.
can say that im totally not confident and have totally forgotten whats right infront of me and most important to me already.
havent planned what to do if i really dont do well and what to do if i do average.
dont dare to think of getting good grades at all. haha.

somethings have changed. for the better you may say.
but i think otherwise.
i'm trying.
still trying.
till that day comes.

2010-01-22T01:30:00.002+08:00

jan's coming to an end.

been busy with camps the past few days.
took 2 camps so far,
AMK sec and siglap sec.

perhaps i've come to realize what satisfaction is.

tiring it is.
supposed to take commonwealth this week also, but was canceled last min.
wasted my time finding retro stuff. lols

got a back to back next week and im doin it alone.
all ps me. bastards.

enlistment letter came alr!
28 april.

thats like 3months away. haha.
by the time i enlist, those commandos and those enlisting in feb would have finished bmt.

NS's gonna b a whole new experience,
another chapter of my life.

2010-01-01T22:04:00.003+08:00

its 2010 !

spent my countdown a little different this year.
countdown-ed with mtm, was totally unplanned. haha.
ry came last min.

funny thing was,
i left to dinner with april and liting first,
so serene steven and zj went over first. they called me tellin me that roads were closing, so i rushed over, and i ended up crossing over faster than they did. haha.
ry was even better, he reached the spot while i was still waiting for him at the traffic light. haha

watched vampire assistant aft that. waste of my 10bucks. haha.

2009 was crap.
full of disappointments, regrets and worrying about studies.
cant deny that i had fun times too, thanks to the people around me, be it pj or bv friends.
thanks so much to those who were there when i was so broken and lost in the year.
for all the funny moments, all the laughter, cries, screams.
its now memories for 2009:):)

JC's OVER.
its 2 years, jus like that.
and, i treasure what i had.

2010's gonna be army and army.
sure there will be fun times amidst those tiring days and nights. haha.

HAPPY happy HAPPY 2010.
and 2009's has become memories.

2009-12-24T09:43:00.002+08:00

its christmas like again.
another year passed.

many things changed, many things done or undone.

still UNEMPLOYED.
hope ill get a job soon.
and get my enlistment date soon too. haha

"And so this is Christmas
For weak and for strong
For rich and the poor ones
The world is so wrong "

2009-12-03T02:03:00.003+08:00

i've already accepted that fact.
nothing's fair in this world, it would be so naive of me to think so.

havent i already done my part,
what more can i do
maybe i could have done more
but havent i already done more than i should,
havent i already tried to
why then.

im tired you know,
its reaching soon,
i can stay like this only for this long...
i know i should not,
but as humane as u and i am, what more can i do
how else do u want me to react.
ive tried to work against being humane.
i tried, issnt it enough

2009-11-27T10:06:00.004+08:00

i finally googled for 弟子规.

intresting...

Chapter 1 - At Home, Be Dutiful to My Parents

When parents call, I will answer and not be slow. When parents give me an order, I will act and not be lazy. When parents teach, I will respectfully listen. When parents reprimand, I will accept. In the winter, I will keep my parents warm; in the summer, I will keep my parents cool. I will always greet my parents in the morning to show them that I care. At night I will always make sure my parents rest well. When I go out I will tell (my parents); when I return I will see them face-to-face. My daily living will be regular; my endeavors (career) will not change. Though a matter be small, I will not arbitrarily act; if I arbitrarily act, my character as a son will be damaged. Though a thing be small, I will not hoard it for my own use; if I hoard it for my own use, my parents' hearts will be hurt. What my parents like, I will strive to obtain; what my parents despise, I will carefully get rid of. Injuring my body makes my parents worry; injuring my character makes my parents ashamed. When parents love me, it's easy to be good to parents. When parents hate me, then it's truly virtuous to be good to my parents. When parents have faults, I will persuade them to change. I will make my expression pleasant and I will soften my voice. If my persuasion is not effective, I will wait until they are happy then persuade them again. After that I will follow with weeping and crying, and I won't complain even if I am beaten. When parents are ill, I will taste the medicine first (to make sure it's boiled correctly). Day and night I will attend, not leaving the bed. I will mourn for three years, often crying sadly. I will change my place of living, and abstain from wine and sex. At the funeral there should be the utmost decorum; at the memorial services there should be utmost sincerity. I will serve the dead like I serve them when alive.

i didnt go p.ubin ystd :(
i kinda regret, but no, think i made the right choice. for some reasons.

i ZHA HU leh!

what the heck, i saw 6 8 9 tong as 7 8 9 tong. funniest thing is i had a 7 tong but threw it away thinking its 6 -.-

hais, tired. so tired.
nope, im not running away, definitely not.
im staying to solve it and do my best.

i hope all this is temporal.
dont let everything come at one go please,
for i may be too weak to handle.
let nothing more change. it is bad as it already is.
let me do whats best :)

2009-11-25T07:43:00.011+08:00

93 posts...
this is my longest surviving blogger blog.
started blogging when i was sec2 i guess ?
somewhere around there, kept moving frm blogs to blogs, blogger to livejournal to wordpress and to xanga. haha.

i'm done with my second last paper, physics paper3 :)
wasnt diffcult, but wouldnt say that it was easy thou.
hope ill ba able to at least manage at B.
(there's still paper1 :( )

went to catch 2012 after the paper with the class,
frm like 9 people, it became 10, then 13, and then 15. haha.

2012's worth catching, graphics was good.
some parts were quite exaggerated though,

"no time ? MAKE time "

met serene zj and steven for dinner after that, ry didnt come.
had Manhattan for the THIRD time.
looks like zj's recommendation is really good huh. haha.
okay, blame it partly on the vouchers they gave that kept us going back for more. and of course, the good food.

had a really good time last night.
been so long since i seriously talked that way, i hope for more of such times to come huh. haha.

come to think of it, college life is really over, so is formal school life.
friendships forged, mistakes made, countless jokes and laughter...

"college is like a whole new page like flipping a book to chapter next"

my "chapter's" written, and is almost over.
i hope i wouldnt regret.
college has really taught me a lot, not just academically. perhaps academically, i didnt really get to where i ought to eventually.
but this whole experience has been a good one for me, ups and downs, happiness and saddness:)
i've still got a lot to learn, a lot to change, a lot to find.

the journey which once seemed so long, arduous, and unclear.

PAE

gosh, my first time uploading so many photos on blogger.
damn tiring.
was supposed to be in chronological order, but got lazy after a while...

steven said that this song reflected college life very well.
went to listen, and i think so too...

I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming but
There's a voice inside my head sayin,
You'll never reach it,
Every step I'm taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what?s waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes they knock me down but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on, cause

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It's all about
It's all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith

and,
i hope in 10 years time,
we wouldnt b strangers like as if we never met.

my longest post till date.

chao.

2009-11-21T14:23:00.003+08:00

some times things just don't turn out the way you want it to.
some times we makes these silly mistakes over and over again.
some things do not appear as it really is.
some things are just simply not worth it,
while some are. but do not seem to be.

is life that complex, or are we too simple ?
looking at it another way,
are we too complex while life is just that simple ?

2009-11-21T02:33:00.002+08:00

failure econs.
hais.
my most hopeful subject is gone.
zzz.

never failed econs in j1.
managed a d in prelims.
and now.

byebye A. -.-

ive got this very weird feeling suddenly.

2009-11-17T17:48:00.002+08:00

i think my a's is screwed for now.

physics and econs is gonna change it hopefully.

physics on thursday and econs on friday.
followed by chem paper1 next mon, phyp3 on tue and phy p1 the following mon.

unknowingly, we're halfway through already:)
hopefully it will all turn out well.

after 30nov,
i'm gonna have a time of my life:) haha.

there's so much i wanna do now.

2009-11-10T09:06:00.001+08:00

in just twenty days...

ill fight this well.

im gonna not fail maths for the second time in my jc life :)

2009-11-03T19:50:00.002+08:00

i shouldnt be here.
hai.

felt like crap today.
last week before the big A,
for the past two days what have i actually done.
just got to know how much more i dont know.

kinda scared now.

i jus feel that im screwing up my life.

2009-10-21T19:37:00.003+08:00

i feel so fucked up

everything's in a mess.
urgh.

2009-10-20T19:32:00.002+08:00

thats life.

face it.

its not like you're not guilty of it.

just take it as a lesson learnt.

you're just unlucky not to have both.

2009-10-09T18:56:00.001+08:00

thirty two.
and still working.

been sleeping too much lately.
need to sleep a lot less and work a lot more.

study study and more study.

2009-10-01T20:53:00.001+08:00

i just couldn't bring myself to say it.
maybe tomorrow.

i dont know.
i really dont know.

what on earth was i thinking ?
what on earth am i doing ?

it just feels so dark now.

give me some hope.

2009-09-30T22:40:00.002+08:00

i really hope its all fine.
see how in a few days time.

not me, not now please.

shall not think so much,
if it is, then it is.
worrying cant change anything.
if it is not, even better.
worrying will only waste time.

got back math n gp.
math was bad.
gp still the same. bad.

hais.

there's still tmrw.

2009-09-30T00:14:00.002+08:00

had one last time of fun today.
haha.

hope everyone enjoyed:)
went to celebrate serene's bday.
was supposed to eat icecream buffet, but there were 5 so couldnt.
so we ate on fri and bought her present. haha
funny thing was she was in town when we were, and in ion and hereen too.
she suddenly called me that day, ask me where i was, i jus said i was out with my parents. haha.
funny.
and on the way home, the she was in the 190 behind us. haha.

went iluma for the first time, like how i went ion for the first on fri. lols
watched phobia2, nt that good.
played arcade after so long, and went to eat manhattan for the second time.

haha.

great:)

and the YELLOW LINE is NOT COMPLETE. payalebar is not open yet.
lols. ry n me took all 4 lines today.
red, admiralty to bishan, and yellow, bishan to serangoon, purple to dhoby ghaut, red to city hall and finally green to bugis. well done :) never done this in my life. lols

something frm marley and me which i watched on monday:
"A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes.
A water log stick will do just fine.
A dog doesn't care if your rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb.
Give him your heart and he'll give you his.
How many people can you say that about?
How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special?
How many people can make you feel extraordinary? "

think i posted smth like this before. haha

sch tmrw !

hope i've improved.

CIAO

2009-09-29T02:17:00.006+08:00

saw some updates on fb.

hais.

its been so long.
a year and a half already.

ask me and ill tell u that ill never forget that pain in me.

i still remb how i woke with a jolt.
i literally jumped out of bed.

glad the nightmare's over and hope that the impending one will never come.

saw the neurologist, guess it'll be all fine.
i believe. and trust that it will be.

i think growing old is scary.

2009-09-25T23:47:00.002+08:00

:)

opps. i almost posted something i couldnt post for the time being. haha.

its finally friday.
40 plus more days to a lvl. hais.

sian...

today was the worst paper for prelim
w-o-r-s-t

forgot my compasses.

couldnt do so many qns.
had the same feeling i had for mid's / ct's / promos. zzz

but the rest was kinda better.
at least i felt better when i did the paper:)
felt happier doing it. haha.

2009-09-16T20:06:00.002+08:00

study study and study.

been going to library home libray macs home.
getting tired...
getting hungry very quickly too haha.
perhaps my brain's working harder.

Tmr's CHEM.
i'm like not quite done.
so much more, grp 7, grp 2, transition, the titration curve thing, ksp, blah blah blah...

at least i feel slightly more prepare this time round.
was quite happy that i could do charlie's questions. haha
cos i was never able to do them.

but then again, more prepared compared to last time, but more's tested this time also:(

how i wish this was promos or common test.

tireddd. mentally.
nothings going in,
its like read and everything goes out. :(

"the choice is yours"

2009-09-12T00:57:00.002+08:00

here's one good video.

study and study.

missed a night of studying ystd.
overslept for like 10 over hrs.

didnt go out tonight.

holidays over.
what have i done ?

2009-09-09T22:16:00.003+08:00

wednesday.
sigh.

time's passing so quickly but revision never seems to be finishing.

was quite surprised to see this on stomp.

she was my sec 3 n 4 geog teacher.
haha, remb her for her high pitched voice. haha.
very funny.
shes really nice. one good teacher indeed.
"she lives in pulau ubin" haha, i still dont know if its true till today.

2009-09-09T09:07:00.001+08:00

i'm moving so slowly.
ill never make it at this rate.

half the week is gone.
not even half done.

for a reason huh.

2009-09-06T20:16:00.003+08:00

where have you been all these while ?

i'm really feeling so damn tired.

i wonder why some people who are so talented and skilled slough so hard for money and material wealth.
i really envy those professionals who make use of their skills/ability to be of service to people.
i really despise those who have a little wisdom and think they know the entire world and people should submit to them.

what makes these people the way they are?

just had physics.
charlie tmrw. study study and study.
i wonder if this will all work out.

If you pass through raging waters in the sea, you shall not drown.
If you walk amid the burning flames, you shall not be harmed.
If you stand before the power of hell and death is at your side, know that
I am with you through it all.

Be not afraid.
I go before you always.

2009-09-04T20:53:00.002+08:00

this really sucks.
hmm. gp exam just ended.
most prob a E again. -.-
paper2 was kind of difficult. took me some time to fully understand it.
felt so tired and lethargic during the paper that i kept stretching.

happened to read through all my past smses jus now while trying to set my alarm as i was sleeping.
time flies.
brings back memories when i read those sms-es.
tried to piece some events together and some were kinda disjointed.
but, yeah.

every moment becomes history. one second you are working at something and for the next, its passed, and its become history. only way to revive it is in memory.
there will always come a time where this moment becomes a memory.
alright, i dont know what i'm rambling about.

i'm beginning to feel that little pressure and stress,
lots of things going through my mind.

hope it will all turn out fine.

cant describe how i feel now.

ciao.

2009-09-04T02:10:00.001+08:00

gp prelim in 8hours time :(

entire prelim to start in about a weeks time.

"unprepared"
AGAIN.

2009-09-02T21:12:00.002+08:00

went to study at esplanade the second time ystd.
haha.
had jacks place for lunch
and manhattan fish market for dinner. thanks to zj for the recommendation:):) haha

really had fun ystd.
perhaps my last before A's. haha.

walked singapore river for the first time also.
and had to find ourway to central.
"two overhead bridges" "walk straight turn right" haha.
damn funny.

so long since i had so much fun.

had tuition this morning.
went to study after that.
lunch was freaking little lar.
was hungry so soon. haha.

was quite productive today:)

ciao.

ps. thanks to the 8 for the cookies and mtm for dinner and ur present and my benten powers huh. haha.

2009-08-31T19:19:00.002+08:00

i just saw "70 posts - last published aug 30 "

so fast 70 posts already.
still remembered the first time i wrote on this space was during the orientation period.
somehow this space seems less "happy" compared to xanga. posts and stuff. haha.

i dont know why everytime when i'm on this "posting" page, i begin to lose all that i wanted to say.

and oh, my hair.
lols.
wo mei you shou she me da de da ji. lols

3days left to GP.
ONE week SIX days to PRELIMs.

i hope ill make it this time round.

2009-08-30T18:26:00.003+08:00

happy birthday to myself.
lols.

thanks to all those who remembered and wished me:)
really appreciate it.

home the entire day. tuition.
and thats about it.

nice surprise i had yesterday.
i really hope its all alright
i really dont wish to go through all of that pain once again.

i asked myself, what happened to that faith, i was really scared.
very very scared.
the same feeling i had some time ago.
outcome better be different and by that i mean a better outcome.
i really dont want anything to change at this point of time, this is really not the time.
at least, give me another 100 days.

as always, i wished its jus a big dream of mine, but more unlikely this time cos i wasnt sleepy or anything.

i've just recovered not long. not again please.

may that same perfectness return soon.

2009-08-26T00:16:00.002+08:00

tell me how to keep going.

20more days to prelims.
straight E's
reality or not.

someone told me to stand up when you've fallen,
but now i cant even tell if i'm standing or have fallen.

school school and more school.
week 9 already. planned so much for week 6 onwards.
what i've achieved so far: nothing much.
week 9's virtually the last week. which makes this the last week.

"OH MAN". haha

2009-08-22T21:30:00.000+08:00

GOSH !

2009-08-18T23:03:00.000+08:00

URGH.

2009-08-18T22:38:00.002+08:00

can u please just GROW UP.
G-R-O-W U-P
you're behaving worst than a 15 year old ?
everything about you sucks.
piece of shit.

i really wonder why has it got to be me.
never have you and never would you have a place where u shld be in me.

i'm just pissed at the sight of you for now.
and perhaps in the near future.
every action of yours just puts me off.
xu wei. worst than that one tt some one keeps complainin about.
i really dont know how u manage to do all of those things and get past your conscience.
you created the mess and expect everyone to clear up your shit.
you have a time of your life while people get so worried/tired/exhausted.

please. fucking grow up.
and you aint that great, and stop thinking that you are.

i wish i could say i hate you.

time's really running out,
abt 3 weeks left only to prelims...
less than 3mths to a lvl.
wth.

everythings coming too quickly.

and for that matter, i hope that seeing him will be a solution and will put an end to all the rubbish.
i hope it will succeed eventually, anyway, anyhow.
i really pray that it will be.

2009-08-06T20:41:00.002+08:00

fucked.

i guess nobody knows how i feel now,
not even myself.

i dont know what i want,
i dont know whats good for me now.
i only know that, i'm losing the confidence i once had.
i'm losing the strength i once could renew.

didnt meet u again, haha.
met p instead.

didnt really scold me, but yeah.
words hit me hard again.
as usual.
i hope this feeling just fades off a little, but do not fade away or wear off.

i once could answer so confidently to that question,
but now, even i myself am doubtful.

i felt like giving up.
but, what do i have behind me and before me ?

some things are just not worth it.

fucked.

2009-08-01T21:46:00.002+08:00

i dont know what to say.

anyway.
didnt do much today.
went to do my specs,
hard contacts cannot make now :(
soft lenses need to go through the whole procedure, no time for that today.
and no degree-less specs. either with or without. zzz
ill see how. haha

17 chapters in a week, how possible is that ?

i've got loads to catch up :(

2009-07-30T22:07:00.001+08:00

WHAT THE F***

i'm super irritated now.

the 3 para of cca remarks / pq is killin me
takin up so much of my time.
urgh.

i've got an excess of 100 characters for one and short of characters for another.
urgh..

and theres this irritating msn bot.

2009-07-28T20:40:00.003+08:00

my retina's degenerating. -.-
yeah, i wish i knew why also. lols

went for checkup today.
i did the dilation thing. like finally.
haha. the last time i did that was like ages ago and i ran around refusing to get dripped.
lols.
so didnt go sch today.
wanted go back for math lecture, but i realised how bad my eyes were so i went home and sleep. haha.

somepeople say when u grow older, your social circle seems to grow smaller, this is not because you've become less sociable or what, just that you begin to know who your true friends are.

quite random. lols

and.
how the hell do you reply tags.
my tags never seem to get onto the tagboard when i tag myself.

i appreciate it and am thankful.
i'm trying to do something about it.

fleas in a glass jar

2009-07-26T01:17:00.003+08:00

invisible prison-
put a bunch of fleas in a jar.
Cover the jar with a lid on it and the fleas will jump and hit the lid a few times. it will eventually stop jumping so high.
But if you remove the lid, the fleas will continue to stay in the jar.
They don’t know the option of jumping out exists until one of them finally does it. This changes everything for all of them. We are like that, us humans, jumping just below the non-existent lid we once came up against.

how true can that be.

that invisible celling we set for ourselves.

but sometimes, after many failed attempts, we just feel so tired and worn out.
and we dont want to start walking again.

i did something i thought i would never do.
yes.
i'm trying to get you out,
permanent or temporary, you decide.

2009-07-17T23:01:00.001+08:00

醜得漂亮- chou de piao liang - 許志安 Andy Hui & Myolie Wu 胡杏兒.許志安

丑得漂亮 - 胡杏儿/许志安
chou de piao liang

优美　才容易获取所爱
Elegance would make it easier to gain your love.
总要　和各界眼光比赛
It is always necessary to fight the world’s view.
长相　你叫我　怎麼改
Looks, how is it possible for me to change?
自尊心也被人笑声掩盖
Even my self-respect would be covered by the mocking of others.

只怪　凡人用眼睛恋爱
You can only blame the populace for loving with their eyes.
身世　才沦為被爱的障碍
Your humble background is an impediment to being loved.
观眾　那界线　改不改
The crowds, the boundaries, can it be changed?
亦好好对待　叫人人意外
I’d treat you well too, and astound everyone.

常人完美的标準　许:怎去量度幸福的轻重
The yardstick of beauty set by normal people, how can it determine happiness?
胡:一千吨　　　　　许:这样重
A thousand tonnes, this heavy.
胡:张开手　　　　　许:能用力地抱拥#
Give me your hand, I can hug you tightly.

天生不算做漂亮　都多得你愿见谅
I wasn’t born with beauty, and seek your understanding for that.
当丑小鸭被撇下　流亡然后又被领养
When the ugly duckling was deserted, it wandered around for awhile before being adopted again.
人从来天生天养　然而难得你对我紧张
Humans were always children of heaven, and taken care of by heaven itself; even so, it is wonderful that you care about me.

不必选美觅对像　丑样都这样漂亮
There is no need to choose a ravishing beauty as a partner, there is a certain beauty in ugliness.
不必当世俗偶像　这世界谁亦有被爱的福相
There is no need to be an idol of the common world, the happiness of being loved still exists in this world.

合:蒙起这双眼冥想
Close these pairs of eyes and think,
胡:谁会让你恋上　(许:忘记言论重量)*
Who would make you fall in love, such that you forget your speech?

总要　被旁人目光批斗
Always, I was judged by the glances of passerbys.
得我　凭块镜遇上佳偶
But I, met my love on account of of a mirror.
所爱　我怕我　讲出口
Thus, I’m afraid that if I blurt out my thoughts,
会给婉拒换来我心伤透
And be hurt by rejection.

关爱　仍然是你所专有
Concern and care, it is still your strength.
总有　情人明白你小宇宙
Eventually, someone would understand your little universe.
给我　抱抱你　一双手
Give me, let me caress, your pair of hands.
另一种美貌我全部接受
An alternate kind of beauty – I accept it all.

天生不配做偶像　都多得你愿见谅　(许:人人能爱上)
I wasn’t born to be a star, and I’m thankful for your understanding (everyone could fall in love with you)
彷彿整个闹市内　完全无人剩下我俩(许:人人能跌伤)
It is as if of the whole crowded city, only the two of us are left (Everyone could get hurt)
评头和品足嘴瞼　原来无需要太过紧张
Criticisms, there is no need to get too uptight over them.

请不必背负重量　丑样都这样漂亮
There is no need for your heavy burden, your ugliness gives off a certain beauty.
心底可拼命发亮　这世界其实有万百种色相
Yours is the shiny heart, in this world with a multitude of looks.

合:旁观者怎会了解
How can the observer understand,
胡:何以共我恋上(许:谁会是最理想)
Why you attracted me? (Who would be the ideal one?)

2009-07-16T22:04:00.003+08:00

i feel so sick of this.
so so sick of it.

eight weeks.

i guess i've given up for now.
you can hear it from others, i dont really care.

nobody understands how i really feel.
perhaps even i dont understand.
yeah, so maybe its not your fault

2009-07-14T23:27:00.003+08:00

got back all my mid year results already.
bad.
very bad.
but at the very least, i know that i've worked hard this time and at least tried to make an effort.
did the most physics, yet physics is my lousiest subject once again.

sometimes i really dont know what i'm doing and where i'm going.
three more months.
how's possible is that?

reality is cruel.

i think i should just let go so that i wont hurt myself any further,
it getting too far.
and you never meant what you said.
i've totally lost all the trust n hope, even that slightest bit that i held on to.
shuo yi tao zuoo yi tao.
one month ago, i might have foolishly given in.

chang tong bu ru duan tong.
i dont have a choice.
carrying on any further would only do me harm in more than one way.

CIAO

2009-07-12T14:55:00.001+08:00

bored.

facebook is getting boring too.

2009-07-12T14:55:00.000+08:00

bored.

facebook is getting boring too.

2009-07-10T21:47:00.002+08:00

think theres something wrong with me.
lols.

i jus blew up at my mom after she bugged me with some irritating questions.
then again, looking from HER point of view, those questions were just simple questions which wasnt irritating.
i didnt want to, but i really couldnt help it.
lols.

gp "lecture" was not fruitful at all -.-
was mafia-ing for a while. lols

econs was alright. - at least for half of it.
i got called twice for doing nothing alright.
i just turned back and said "no" to jenboon.
-.-

failed again. but not too badly thou.

ciao-

i'm beginning to dread talking to you esp aft the prev night
its really tiring.
i dont know how to answer you either.
its really tiring.

2009-07-08T21:30:00.002+08:00

i dont know how i should be feeling
i dont know what i'm feeling either.

what you see may not be what things really are.

i'm exhausted.
yes.

2009-07-07T23:44:00.003+08:00

sometimes we do things that we know is obviously wrong.
its something deep inside us that tells us its wrong to do it, but yet, we cant help it.
its like when someone tell you that the water is hot, yet you go touch it.
maybe its because we dont believe what others say, or maybe its because we want to "see" or in this case feel it for ourselves.
its a human thing.
it's like when a kid does something wrong and his parents say "if you know its wrong, why did you still do it?"
human nature perhaps.

someone tells you to do smth and you know perfectly well that you should do the something, yet you do otherwise.

human nature.

sometimes i really don't understand.
i dont deny that it happens to me too.

and sometimes, people say things just for the sake of saying.
perhaps they do not mean it at all.
perhaps its human too, to want to get over and done with something and as a result you say something you dont mean.
and act otherwise.

how complex can these creatures called humans be.

i havent been hardworking.

the motivation and drive is wearing off...

"是谁从我天空摘走了星星"

刘力扬 - 寂寞光年

是谁从我天空摘走了星星
一转眼眉头聚满乌云
从来快乐悲伤都自己横行
忘了我也值得被关心

一双手一个梦
一路上不断的俯冲
痛到忘了要怎么喊痛

漫长的寂寞淹没我的难过
我的世界是零下的沙漠
其实我也想要拥抱的温柔
融化这颗坚强的泡沫

漫长的等候让人特别失落
锋锐寂寞把天空都割破
还有谁能够紧握着我的手
陪着我期待消失的彩虹

是谁将阳光都剪成了雨滴
天灰了快乐总有限期
从来都陷在孤独的流沙里
忘了我也配被人在意
一个人一直走看着梦像做了又空
精疲力尽有没有哪里可以停泊

漫长的寂寞淹没我的难过
我的世界是零下的沙漠
其实我也想有拥抱的温柔
融化这颗坚强的泡沫

漫长的等候让人特别失落
锋锐寂寞把天空都割破
还有谁能够紧握着我的手
陪着我期待消失的彩虹
那是谁的温柔留在我的小手
微不足道却那么重

漫长的寂寞把意志都吞没
整个世界是沉默的漩涡
有谁能陪我手牵着手出走
带我离开空洞的星球

还有什么值得追求
还有什么可以拥有
把怀抱借给我是不是就不再颤抖
有谁能带走这美丽的哀愁
能让我相信被爱的理由

2009-07-06T18:54:00.004+08:00

have been wasting my time the past few days.
started playing games on facebook which i once called stupid.
watched the new drama thats going to be shown on channel u, havent finished.
and wasted my time.

i guess its time to pick up once again.

how great would it be if people do not wear masks?
guess the world would be a simpler and happier place to live in.

2009-07-04T13:45:00.002+08:00

sian.

wasting my time away at home.

perhaps i should start studyin once again.

this is damn cool.
FREEDOM SHIP.
happen to read about it online...
its an entire city on the sea..

haha.

2009-07-03T23:07:00.002+08:00

unhappy.

dont know why.

i think i'm eating too much lately.

and i havent been running lately.
:(

2009-06-29T16:58:00.004+08:00

when i finally put in more effort into studying...
i fall sick-.-

didnt do well for physics.
hope p1 and p2 will be better cos i focused in j1 stuff.

doctor says that its h1n1 only if ppl around me start falling sick these few days. lols
and that if i were to see him in this condition a week later, ill be given a week mc. lols

first time i'm taking mc in jc, and it has to be during exams. how suay.

2009-06-28T20:55:00.003+08:00

12 hours to make the change.
not very possible huh.

too me really long to realised i've focused too much on physics.
so i stopped today and did math. haha.
still going nowhere.

hais.
and i'm like sick now.
sorethroat and flu. without the fever. lols

dont expect much this time.
jus want my efforts to be worth it.

2009-06-26T19:30:00.002+08:00

jus met up with my pae OG.
haha.
its like after soooo long.
havent seen doreen and jun jia since like the last time we met. lols
ate at sakae, was quite full after a while and junjia came like after we ate.
met him and went to the rooftop garden to play cards. haha.
didnt knw what to do at first, was like wasting time away.
then decided to play cards aft all except jun jia was not in favor of watching a movie.
and i was made to do a forfit-.-
supposed to ask this 2 woman how to pole dance, bt later on she started dancing so they asked me to ask them to teach me how to dance. i went to ask another woman behind me instead. bt i asked her for the time. HAHA.
SIAO, suddenly ask one woman if she knw how to pole dance-.-
later she think i some crazy guy.

yeah.
haha,
this is my FIRST meetup the WHOLE holiday.
and first time i sort of "went out" although its just lotone.
i really want to go town soon, only been there once this whole holiday and it was to change my battery, which wasnt changed in the end.

been going to school, home, charlie, and macs.
thats all.
if i'm outof home, its to sch, mac or charlie.
all is to study.
yet, it seems that i'm not progressing at all.
physics : still at 4chpts.
chem: 2chpts
math: half of stats, but i still couldnt do the mock qns.

maths mock was horrible. couldonly do like one part of one question out of the entire paper:(
and i still got it wrong in the end. zzz

i hope i at least make some improvement.
mr tong said something like" miracles wont happen"
hmmm.
but i hope i can at least change something with what i've done.

met april and liting at lot one lib today also.
haha.
suddenly this long haired girl came over and called out "LEONARD". lols
i thought was fiona initially cos serene said she was there.
but turned out to b april...
saw liting when i turned, and it turned out that she had arranged to meet april. haha.

and. i recieved this message this aftn.
"i meet you at the sushi shop"
i thought it was doreen and that i didnt have her number, cos we arranged to eat sakae.
but turned out to be wrong number. lols.
so qiao.
so funny.

i've got two more days to make a change.
just TWO.

"if you asked me three months ago, i would have asked you to retain."
-.-

sometimes i really dont know what i'm doing.
i cant understand myself, i dont know what i'm thinking, and i dont know if its right.
i feel so lost and helpless sometimes. i feel that i'm stuck all alone in this black pit.
reality is cruel. it really is.
no one knows and would know the rotten inside of me.
even i myself refuse to know it.

reality is curel.
you just have to face it.

2009-06-22T19:18:00.000+08:00

"Schools to re-open as scheduled despite H1N1 situation"

http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/437803/1/.html

:(

2009-06-22T19:05:00.003+08:00

jus a week left.
what can i do in a week.
so much more to cover...
beginning to feel scared,
pls extend the holidays. lols

just today, this message about the poll on CNA has been spreading like wildfire.
everyone's forwarding that msg.
haha.
i did the poll this morning aft i got bored of studying. lols

had a very nice dream the other day,
its just a dream.
wouldnt be reality.

getting really sick of studying,
been really really slow. not that i didnt study, but i've been really really slow.

supposed to meet up with some friends this hols,
till now, i havent seen any of them. -.-
gonna have og9 dinner/lunch soon anyway. haha

i had a lot to say before i logged on,
but somehow, i'm lost for words now.

And He will raise you up on eagle's wings,
Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of His Hand.
The snare of the fowler will never capture you,
And famine will bring you no fear;
Under His Wings your refuge,
His faithfulness your shield.

And He will raise you up on eagle's wings,
Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of His Hand.
You need not fear the terror of the night,
Nor the arrow that flies by day,
Though thousands fall about you,
Near you it shall not come.

And He will raise you up on eagle's wings,
Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of His Hand.
For to His angels He's given a command,
To guard you in all of your ways,
Upon their hands they will bear you up,
Lest you dash your foot against a stone.

And He will raise you up on eagle's wings,
Bear you on the breath of dawn,
Make you to shine like the sun,
And hold you in the palm of His Hand.
And hold you in the palm of His Hand.

doubt anyone would really understand.:(

2009-06-18T19:53:00.004+08:00

study study and more study.
how boring can the life of a student get.

typed this on my way somewhere, using my touch.

Was trying to find my was down to cmpb ystd. Guess what?
It asked me to take a cab -.-
Wth
Then I as wanted to find how long it would take frm
cck mrt to queenstown where I had a bus and guess what?
It told me to take a bus frm cck a change aother 2 buses. -.-

So much for the internet making people more efficient

Went macs at night and there was this pj guy whom I
recognized from the stellar evol file.so I would obviously
presume that he's a j1. In my mind I was thinking
"wow, j1 so hardworkin le.
He left after a while, and I saw him with a bunch of
friends when I went to get my food.
and in a while they where smoking outside macs.
and the smoke was blowing inwards to us. wth.

yeah.

medical check wasnt good.
didnt go well.
and i'm getting (overly) worried.
i admit its quite "overly worried" but, i cant help it.

next few days was study and more study.
but wasnt very productive at all.

till now i've completed less than a quarter of what i need to.
so dead.

there's mock tmrw.
not prepared.

there's mock next week
not prepared at all.

haix.


i wanna get out of this




at different stages of our lives, different things hold different value and meaning to us.
time's passing too fast for me.
too fast.

2009-06-16T21:16:00.000+08:00

Remember, to spend some time with your loved ones, because
they are not going to be around forever

Remember, to say a kind word to someone who looks up to
you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave
your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the
only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones,
but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it
comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that per-
son will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious
thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER;

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by
the moments that take our breath away.

2009-06-11T21:22:00.002+08:00

halfway through the holidays.
not good at all.

went down to apple on tues, they didnt want to change my battery.
die.
i got to take care of it now.
and i didnt report the bluetooth error earlier. so now, they want me to send it in and charge me 70 over bucks for DIAGNOSTICS only. and the blue tooth module is expected to cost 200 plus. wth?!
should have bought the apple care plan, but 600 plus, so bo hua. -.-
lols

had charlie today, again.
okay at least lesser than those attending organic. hahas

sian.

i barely started my revision.
so much to do, in so little days.

gonna have to work real hard.

"When someone tells you that you can't do something ...
Look around...
Consider all options...
Then GO for it!
Always remember
Nothing is impossible, if your heart is willing "

its slowly fading away,
dont do anything to make it come back.

2009-06-07T19:59:00.002+08:00

econs,
not very good.
not very manageable.
hopefully a E at least.

wasnt really in the mood to study on thur n fri.
managed to do a little.
sat got a little productive.
i really cant study at home.
i'm just doing everything except study.
i'm trying.
i feel like just walking to limbang macs and study.
hahas.

22more days.

sometime i cant help to wonder,
why all these falls on me,
when everything seemed so well.
i really dont know.
perhaps its true that nothing's perfect in this world, and ill just have to learn to cope with shit life throws at us.
in both ways.
its not as good as how it seems frm the outside.
its frustrating, anyone knows ?

more than a year already, i'm thankful, as i am always.
but such are the good things that i've never taken for granted, yet.
urgh.

i've never experienced how it feels like. and i would like to.

urgh. shant continue.

CIAO.

2009-06-02T21:20:00.002+08:00

i dont know.

tmrw's econs.
i studied. but dont seem to remember.
i uds, when i read.
when i'm left to ans, i'm completely lost.
-.-

how to perform tmrw ?
wheres my D?

i hope it will b fine tmrw...

have got dinner tmrw, some achievers night...
dk what its abt, but ill just go.hahas.
think all except ry is going cos hes got charlie. hahas

i'm tired.
so tired.

reply me please.
it hurts so badly. really.
and i wish for nothing more.

2009-05-31T14:50:00.002+08:00

screwed my spa.
forgot a lot of stuff.
was remembering all the wrong things at the wrong times...

GP was kinda alright, hope ill at least get a D or perhaps a C?
paper one might be a lil of topic, cos qn was on marriage and i wrote on family-.-
paper two was better than i thought, at least i could uds passage A. lols

had physics remedial aft tt,
then went to eat lunch, ended up going back to school only at 3plus.
cos i lost to sally in scissors paper stone ?! and had to go lot one ?! zzz
wasted damn lot of time deciding where to eat and what to eat.
walked around and finally went back to school. hahas

didnt really study on fri.

sat was quite alright, although i did less than a chpt, but i felt that it was fruitful.

sunday wasnt that good, tuition canceled last min, like wtf?!
he could have told me eariler so i could prepare?
spent the entire morning clearing the piles and piles of papers on my table.
and its still not cleared-.- its just stacked slightly neater...

h1 is on wed,
so unprepared again.

CIAO

i hope you dont regret. cos i wont

2009-05-26T22:09:00.002+08:00

SPA is tmrw.
cant seem to remb anything.

so tired...

7more days to h1.
5new chapters to study, plus de old chpt ?
omg.

gp in less than 3 days time.

wth.

i wanna get a D or C for GP, so impossible for now,
i wanna pass at least all my subs tis mid yr, maybe manage a D for econs:).

hopefully.

if i start now.

so much things to rush-.-
i'm tired.

and elaine is irritating me with askin if spa can be eaten. -.-

STUDY SPA!

CIAO.

its been days, perhaps almost a week.
you seem to have disappeared completely from my life,
tell me, what is it you want, and what is it that i can do.
the last "okay" didnt help much:(

2009-05-22T22:01:00.003+08:00

think there's something wrong with me recently.
idont know what either. lols.
i'm just super irritated.
pms ba. -.-

"no matter what happens, do not give up" - i just saw that phrase on tv. -.-

had cc on monday, tues was studying in school, wed - REHEARSAL. and then mass. thurs cc again.
haha.
quite boring.
i'm getting used to it.
gotta start studying.

i need motivation, and i shall go find it.

sometimes, i really feel at a lost, i really dont knw what to do.
in both ways...
some things are happening at such an inappropriate time.
some things once broken cannot be mended, it has to be rebuilt.
takes time perhaps, impossible perhaps.
if you can resort to that, i dont think you deserve it anyway.

urgh.
so much things to do now.

tmrw's college day.
got chem in the morn:(
9am.
haix.
so early.

anyways,
CIAO.

2009-05-16T20:54:00.002+08:00

i cant help but feel that way,
guess its been so long since i did that...
cant find it...

i really really need motivation plus determination plus intelligence.
can motivation and intelligence be bought ? zzz

i really dk whats wrong with me either,
i wish i knew.

had cc today,
went to study before that.
would say that it was better than stayin at home, cos at least i got something done.
although i stillhave a lot more things to do.
i'm still dreaming that monday's a holiday, cos for the past two weeks, its been a 3day "weekend"
how i wish monday's a holiday.
i need a break. to catch up and get up.

gp is like 2 weeks away,
just realised.
cos college day is NEXT WEEK and gp is the WEEK AFTER.
and whats more ? ECONS is the FOLLOWING week after GP. zzz
so much to cover, so much to do.
so dead for all my subs.
cant afford to get u's and s's anymore.:(
i wanna get out of this.

maybe i should start studying.
realised that i havent really studied except for major exams and tests, and those "study" were kinda slow paced and slack-ed.

i wish i had a super pill.
i wish i was a little more intelligent or perhaps hardworking.

i need to study.
study study study.

think i'm sleeping too much. zzz

off to study. (hopefully)
bye.
CIAO

2009-05-16T00:28:00.002+08:00

omg,
i cant believe how powerful face book can get.
lols, i managed to find like 3/4 of my pri 6 classmates ?
haha.

and i'm talking to one of my best friends in pri sch, damn long ago.
OMGG...
we did lotsa dumb stuff
come to think of it, i really had fun.

havent talked through the night for ages alr....

its really been ages...
like at least 6 years ?

wow.

and we're crapping again. lols.

had spa ystd,
kinda alright, i hope so.

had phy test today.
totally screwed.

econs test became a timed assignment (issit it supposed to be in the first place)
cos phy dragged a little and we reached there at close to 3.30.

college day rehearsals was a total waste of time.
waited frm 330 till 5 plus, doing NOTHING.
and went through only one round. zzz
night study at the library....
productive, thought not very...
at least i did smth... as compared to sitting up there nt doin anything....

CIAO

2009-05-13T22:37:00.010+08:00

halfway there,
its wed... two more days to go to the weekends:)

didnt do much in the three day break:(
had tuition on sat and mon.
which is like two days burned.
only studied a lil of emi on sat. how efficient. -.-

tuesday was kinda good for the first day of sch for the week.
no long monday for the first day of the week:)
didnt have phy cos bt didnt come, so tues was kinda slack, except for a gp essay test.

stayed back for night study, but wasnt productive at all.
crapped a lot. and found out a lot of intresting stuff:):)
OX OX, Aha Aha Aha, THATS RIGHT ! ><

had college day rehearsal today,
9th was having "gm", a little sharing session in fact.
joined them quite late, aft my rehearsal
was kinda lost and unprepared for the sharing.
i've said what i wanted to say since invest.
guess, u all know what i feel and what i really mean.
just that i dont show it sometimes.
perhaps, thats me.

one thing about the 9th, they are very very encouraging:)
first time i felt it was when i was all stressed up with invest vid, ppl will b askin, if you're alright, how are things etc etc.
another time was when i was so stressed up with perfco,
angstyness - thats what suanne calls it.
i wouldnt forget.
i really felt like dying then, all the datelines, worries, and stress.
hahas.
i remember how free i felt aft the secondnight/first night when we found out that there was enough stars and that the logo was kinda complete. :):)
first night i could sleep properly after a long while, hahas.
i was so free that i even offered to help ry with the games stuff. lols.

i will miss those times, surely.

stayed back in the lib to study aft the session,
guess its one of my more productive nightstudy sessions, although i did only a little.
night study havent been productive in a long time.
and i remember how we used council room 2 to study for promos.
hahas.

goin to study spa again.

ciao.

someone said smth durin "gm" just now.
got me thinking again,
its been almost a year, most things have returned back to normal.
some has changed, changes might stay, might revert, idontknow.
but it doesnt matter anymore.
i have never thought of going so far,
i thought of 5-6 mths, didnt really look to one year.
many things has picked up,
new challenges, more challenging than ever i guess.

something else set me thinking,
sometimes, we really have to stand alone.

have never had really really .........
and i dont know when i will experiece it. maybe not anytime soon.

"everyman for himself"
maybe i'm too naive

2009-05-08T23:15:00.002+08:00

had dinner with PUBCO today.
you may see it as a closure. mr wong called it "last supper" lols

what i think when i see everyone today was really really different from what i thought of months ago.
this committee of 7 people has really taught me a lot.
really.

i'm was not the best leader,
i am still not.
there are many things that i have yet to learn
but i'm grateful for all the opportunities that has come my way.

till today, thoughts of the 9th still evoke emotions in me.
i have really learnt a lot from this council and this term, many things which i never expected to learn.
i never expected my self to feel so much for the council and the comm.

we've got the clear the council room by wed,
i am sure gonna miss that place.
smelly and stuffy it may be.
it was where i sorted out so many things...
it was where many memories are left.

memories will forever be etched in my heart.
"i will remember"
yes i will.

went to jacks place for pubco dinner.
haha.
mr wong's treat:):)
THANKS to MR wong:)
we bought him a card. damn cute.
mothers day card, and we cancled mom and changed to his name.
hahas.

pubco is loved.
9thSC is loved.

ill feel empty, so empty within.

i still remembered hw i conducted my first meeting (invest) and first standin com meeting.

Ciao

2009-05-06T20:56:00.002+08:00

in my last post i said that invest was "next next week"
that next next week is today:(

yup.
can sae that its finally over and that i'm finally free, but i will definitely miss those times...
i tried to control my tears, tried real real hard.
was on the verge of crying when mrs tan ran thru the record setting thing, i kept thinking about the whole process, hw stellar evolution even came about. haix.
fast issnt it ?

i will remember

i really feel a lot for this council, everone in there has impacted me in someway or another.
helping me develop myself, learn to work with people and many more.
these experiences are indescribable,
i have really learnt a lot, i have really grown in this short one year.
and really thank you to those who played a part in my short counci journey.

friends who went through the hard times with me,
friends who kept encouragaing me,
friends who kept me company
friends who were really friends.

i hope this end marks only the end of our service, not our friendships.
let not this parting be an end to anything we have forged over the months.

i really feel for this part of the song.
"its been only a while since we've met, but we can all smile when we think of the memorise ahead"

i've only gotten to know some people this year, or late last year, perhaps knowing them better over the past few months...
but the memories stays eched in my heart forever.

i finally let go of my tears when i passed zijian the mtm card, and he cried, then one by one all started cryin. haha...
havin control for the past few hours, i couldnt stand it any longer,
this cry was my second in pj.

and the worst.

:(

wo she bu de.
zhen de she bu de:):):)

2009-04-23T22:42:00.003+08:00

invest is next next week.
how fast.

slightly less than a year,
but, thats how quickly time has passed.
some time now, last year, i was still living in a world of my own, thinking that everything will go right without me doing anything jus like how it has went right for the previous years in my life.

i was so wrong, indeed.
never expected myself to land up in such a state.
all i can do now is to climb out of this hole and start walking again.
i'm trying, its tiring...
i feel like giving up, but i will not.
i know i cant, for many reasons.
so i will not.
its just these 7 mths, ill do it.

199 days left.

i didnt do much today, the weather was freaking humid and hot,
i was sweating like nothing even though i was just sitting down...
was damn frustrated...

i just searched for this song... its hidden in like tons of folders, luckily spotlight saved me:) :P
to send out to some people.
listened to the song again, the last time i heard it was durin the orientation period...

"i will remember"
We’re on a journey
We’re travelling the ocean
Our hearts are empty
But they’ll open to receive

We’re all here for the same reason
We’re all here for the only notion
We’re all here for a chance to share our love
Our love…

Remember, oh remember,
When we have to leave each other,
Remember, please remember,
Then tell me we’re together
Even though we’re far apart,
I will keep you in my heart
I will never forget,
I’ll still remember

It’s only been a while
that we all met each other
But we can all smile
When we think of the memories remained

We’re all here for the same reason
We’re all here for the only notion
We’re all here for a chance to share our love

Remember, oh remember,
When we have to leave each other,
Remember, please remember,
Then tell me we’re together
Even though we’re far apart,
I will keep you in my heart
I will never forget,
I’ll still remember

Every time when they see the ocean
I’ll look to the star and think of you
Even though we’re far apart,
You’ll always be in my heart!

Remember, oh remember,
When we have to leave each other,
Remember, please remember,
Then tell me we’re together
Even though we’re far apart,
I will keep you in my heart
I will never forget,
I will never forget

Remember, oh remember,
When we have to leave each other,
Remember, please remember,
Then tell me we’re together
Even though we’re far apart,
I will keep you in my heart
I will never forget,
I’ll still remember

i will remember.

ciao

2009-04-16T22:05:00.002+08:00

i dont know why...

havin a re-test on sat, math test on mon, phy spa on tues.
so much stuff to study and to do.
zzz.

really aint enough time.
since i haven decided, i shall make the best of it:)

its fading away.
come back please.
i want it back.

2009-04-15T23:26:00.002+08:00

i really dont know how to go on from here.
too much shit to clear.

i need help.
urgh.

and i'm havin parent-hod meeting tmrw.
couldnt expect anything better.

oh, fuck it.

i need motivation.
maybe more than that.

who cares?
nobody would.

2009-04-14T22:34:00.002+08:00

what is this about ?
why do these things happen to good people.
guess nothing is fair in this world.
i still hold onto my believe, that it happened for a reason.
perhaps it would relief much pain to all...
this pain, might be temporal.

time, time will heal all wounds.

i didnt expect it to happen so soon.
this day was expected, but who knew it would come so soon.

didnt go on sunday cos of chem test,
regrets ? perhaps.

my parents missed it by just a few moments.
haix.

to a better place....

2009-04-12T07:40:00.002+08:00

got back PW on thurs.

yups. got an A:)

happy yet not fully happy,
many other things bothering me...

as much as i would like to celebrate my first (and not the last) A, i knew i had better things to do.

jus went for a simple meal of icecream:) at MOF aft sch with erh, 4/5 of my pw grp and some other ppl frm de class.

i'm really happy that our hard work has paid off, all the stupid meetings (maybe not so stupid afterall), fustrations, conultations till like 9plus. rushing the wr... yeah, u get it.

love PJ092:)
and a very very big thank you to mR KOH :) haha

spent friday at home;
had to study, study and study.
but wasnt really productive after all...
i guess i really cant study at home.
its not the computer, its not my phone, its not the tv...
i think its just me.

i knw i've got a longer road to go,
longer and bumpier, but i've got to hold on.
hold on as long as i need to.

may determination and perseverance find its way here...
and motivation...

somehow i feel less motivated these days...
much less...

CIAO

it may seem that i never cared,
but deep inside,
do you know ?

run, for all you want,
if stopping by really means nothing.

2009-04-07T19:43:00.002+08:00

how far can i go ?
how much longer can i hold on ?

i wonder.

i've got a lot to say.
loads.
lots to get off my chest.
loads.

like how much i've got to study...

just that, i dont know how and where to start.

i wanna get out of this. this shithole.

2009-04-04T21:39:00.004+08:00

common test sucked.

i need to work hard.
tell me how.
i need motivation.
tell me how.

okay, ct's aside...

EI camp ended tdy:)
congrats to EI com :D
aft rushin rushin and rushin....
haha...

was mentor for pubco.
yups.

NIGHTWALK:D
i was at the hall (station) with hua hui, ry and edwwin was inside de hall...
haha, i was supposed to be a "dead" guy names edgar... and i would just scream, "your blood" all of a sudden when they least expected it. haha.

quite fun to see some of their shocked expressions,
quite dissapointing thou to see some fooling around, its not like you must be scared or act scared if u arnt. but be a good sport and dont be a spoiler, tryin to be GL and tryin to be funny...

haha.

some picturess.. ( in a very weird order.... cos i'm too tired to arrange them)

2009-03-29T09:20:00.001+08:00

2009-03-28T11:51:00.002+08:00

i dont know.

i really dont.

physics paper ystd.
hopeless.
and i focused on physics, givin up chem.

haix.
i dont expect much from this common test
only more disappointments perhaps.

i need to find somewhere to hold on and get up,
its getting late. soon it will be too late.

maths was one of the worst papers and i focused on math.
wth.

chem turned out to be okay, bt i studied only the night before.

whatever la.

had some meeting aft ct's ystd.
class went to watch some show.dunno wad mall thing.

left sch slightly aft 7, dinner-ed and home.
wanted to catch a movie, bt all started at 9, and all of dem dun wan... haha

CIAO

it was confusing-

2009-03-20T20:42:00.002+08:00

haiz.

i've got nth much to say.

i feel like crap.
i feel like dying.
better to feel numb.

ignorance is bliss.

gone, i wonder how long will this feeling last and when will i be able to get rid of it.
when ?

thats a good question,
i really wonder, if this is the best.
how else can things go.
how wrong can things get.

i feel like going somewhere,
somewhere i'm so alien to,
and walk,
walk,
and walk,
walk so aimlessly.

its a wonder how we keep wasting our time waiting, and yet, life still goes on with this waste of time.
time.
what exactly is time ?
and life,
what exactly is life.

is life really all about the shit that life throws at you.
i once (perhaps more than once) told someone, life is full of crap, jus get thru this crap and perhaps all will be fine.

get through, how.
you tell me how.

bye.
will blog again if i ever get to the next day.

i got this from somewhere, i forgot where.

A dog has no use for fancy cars, or big homes, or designer clothes. A waterlogged stick will do just fine. A dog doesn’t care if you’re rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart, and he’ll give you his.

How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare, and pure, and special? How many people can make you feel...extraordinary?

- John Grogan (Marley & Me)

2009-03-18T02:21:00.002+08:00

zzz.

today is wed.
half the week is gone.

less than half my revision done.
think i can just go and die and forget about common tests.
hopeless piece of shit.

went back on mon - had scap, did only a little, got very frustrated and couldnt stand it any longer...
went to run and felt a lil better.
went back ystd... met huimin. serene overslept.
and i wore uni for nth, didnt go lib.

tmr goin back.
study. hopefully.
i would hav to.

and now i got something else to settle.
zzz.
thanks alot arh.
:(

how did i get stuck in this piece of shit.

ciao.

"You shall cross the barren desert, but you shall not die of thirst"
"You shall wander far in safety though you do not know the way"
"You shall speak your words in foreign lands and all will understand"
"If you pass through raging waters in the sea, you shall not drown"
"If you walk amid the burning flames, you shall not be harmed"

2009-03-08T21:20:00.003+08:00

i dont know.
nobody else would either.

give me a day or two and i think it wont help.

i dont know what the hell is wrong la,
i just know that somethings not right.
i need a doctor perhaps. lols
i just feel unwell lar. unwell.

its not chinese, i know.
neither is it ~

urgh.
feels like i gt a lot to say.
but i dont seem to be able to even understand what i'm trying to say.

i wish i could just cry.

2009-03-06T20:54:00.003+08:00

a lvl results today

fuck.

i'm feelin lost and confused now.
not just over chinese.
maybe chinese issnt the thing that's bothering me.

nobody knws wad i'm feelin nw la.
damn it. i hate my life.

i better get an A for PW
else i think ill just end up crying like a lil lost kid.